Spring is in the air
“Whatever you decide in life, make sure it makes you happy.” - Paulo Coelho
Wow, where has the time gone!? I will fully admit, I kinda forgot I had a blog… which means this post will probably be pretty picture-heavy. You’ve been warned.
The last few months have been a whirl-wind for me. The New Year started with me catching a bad case of pneumonia and spending a few nights in a hospital bed, followed by a couple weeks of very limited activity while I regained my strength. This prompted some overtime shifts in order to balance out the budget and to give those who covered for me a short break. Combine this with some unexpected expenses (who knew houses could be so expensive…) and the drop in social activities during the winter season, I’ve been signing up to work a bit more than I had planned, but am finally feeling comfortable with where things stand. What can I say, sometimes life gets in the way of the best-made plans.
“The biggest lesson I learned last year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for, whatever flows flows, what crashes crashes. It is what it is.” - Unknown
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty” - Maya Angelou
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust
There’s also been a lot of unexpected changes surrounding my life. My office has gotten a new VP following the retirement of our previous leader, which still has everyone on edge about what restructuring will ensue once he takes full control. The last time this level of change occurred, our entire office structure was revamped, which caused many hiccups in the smooth operation of things. Many have already jumped-ship, finding other opportunities (admittedly, working from home vs being in an actual office may be contributing to the turnover, as well…) Time will tell what changes will come now. In my personal life, my friends have taken it upon themselves to help me find a new girlfriend, and not always with those I would choose to entertain if the choice were mine. As much as I appreciate the sentiment behind it, I am not in the mood to deal with the needy people of the world. Call me selfish, but I have plans in place for this year, and they do not involve wasting money on dinners with people who want only a cursory involvement in my life. I’ve been there and done that, and don’t really want that level of drama in my life again. As more than one of my ex’s told me, I am broken and unlovable, and frankly, I am ok with that. Only I can put the pieces back together, and in doing so, I get to choose which pieces stay and which get tossed aside, to form a new me.
“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” C.S. Lewis
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” Bob Moawad
“I may have been fooled a few times by people I trusted, but in the end, they’re the ones who lost a true friend.” Unknown
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” William Arthur Ward
All of that said, I have started some new habits and am loving it. I’ve gotten back into sketching, namely a combination of Urban Sketching (sketching what you see while out and about) and Nature Journaling (sketching things from nature with a more inquisitive, research-based eye, including adding notes from actually looking up details and information after the fact). I will post some of my pages in the future, I am sure. It has been such fun getting out into the woods or fields, but instead of just marching alone the trail, I find a spot to stand or sit, and spend some real time. Sometimes I see something that prompts me to stop, to draw, to explore. Sometimes I just randomly stop, sit down, get quiet (both externally and internally), and observe the activity around me. Through these processes, I have observed the patterns of bug movements (some beetles don’t move in straight lines, maybe because of poor forward vision?), I have watched a robin build a nest (seriously, from bare branch to “occupy-able” in about an hour!), and the flight patterns of a Red-Tailed Hawk as it scanned a field for prey. I always forget - and am always surprised when I relearn - just how deeply I feel nature in my soul. Making this realization more frequently has also prodded me to get out more often, even if only for a short time. Snowball effect is practice.
When one travels and works with visual things – architecture, painting or sculpture – one uses one’s eyes and draws, so as to fix deep down in one’s experience what is seen. Once the impression has been recorded by the pencil, it stays for good, entered, registered, inscribed.
The camera is a tool for idlers, who use a machine to do their seeing for them. To draw oneself, to trace the lines, handle the volumes, organize the surface… all this means first to look, and then to observe and finally perhaps to discover… and it is then that inspiration may come.
– Le Corbusier
I’ve restarted my yoga practice and have already seen some flexibility issues lessening. As some may know, I had major knee surgery before my Thru Hike, and have been noticing some stiffness and maybe pre-arthritis starting to set in, especially when the weather or my busy schedule has kept me less-than-active, so yoga’s fluid movements and stretching movements have really helped. During the holidays, there was an extremely good sale on an online yoga teacher training course, which I could not pass up. It’s self-paced with no deadline or set class times, and surprisingly, I’ve already gotten a good start on it. While teacher certification is an option upon course completion, I know how my brain works, so I am using this as a baseline first education, and once completed, I will most likely sign up for an in-person course to learn and absorb the information deeper. I don’t know that I have a desire to ever truly teach classes, but I am enjoying the full immersion in information and skills. If only for my own personal use, it’s still worth it to me.
A few friends have asked why I chose an online course, instead of just signing up for an in-person course, and the short answer is schedules such right now and in-person courses are extremely costly (understandably so!). A bigger, longer answer, though, is that the “culture” of yoga for in-person classes is not in my favor, at least not in my immediate geographical area. I am a white heterosexual male, slightly overweight, not super flexible, more conservative than liberal. The classes I have attended have made me feel unwelcome, with the conversation (and in one case, the actual class material…) revolving around political positions and using brain-washing vocabulary like a tv commercial. Some even felt hostile - “this is my opinion, so it must be your opinion or you are not welcome here”. That is not the spirit of yoga, so I stopped going. And I hate that. I had one local studio that I really enjoyed, well-known in my area with numerous locations and an assortment of class types. The instructors, for the most part, were welcoming and “neutral” about opinion-based issues. But one high-level instructor, with management-type authority with said studio, covered one of my classes for an ill coworker, and within that 90 minutes, I was directly told my beliefs were wrong and that I was stupid for believing them. I walked out of the class. When I approached the General Manager, her reply was simply, “Oh, yeah, she’s like that.” Seriously? I knew I would never be back to that studio. Sad that even yoga is not immune to political interference and closed-minded people. So for now, studying and practicing yoga in the comfort and safety of my own home is safer for my mental stability. Maybe one day that will change. Hopefully…
“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.” The Bhagavad Gita
“When we’re in touch, when we’re fully aware of the wonder of walking on the Earth, each step nourishes and heals us.” Thich Nhat Hanh
In the same line, I have started an almost-daily exercise program to get and stay more active and healthy. Sometimes it’s a simple walk down the road (living in the country is amazing, but watch out for the crazy drivers and tractors, sometimes one and the same!), but often it’s time on my rowing machine or stationary bike. Now that the weather is more favorable, I plan to clean up my mountain bike and use that, too. All the hills around my house will certainly get my heartrate going!
Staying with the learning theme, while maintaining my mental health, I have really jumped into learning about teas, tea culture, and tea ceremonies. While I drink tea nearly every day, I have begun to make time for myself as often as I can to just sit in silence, brewing tea traditional gung fu style, meditating or journaling when the mood strikes. I have noticed a resounding improvement on my inner thought dialog and have enjoyed the process of learning about the different tea cultivars and styles, along with the variety of ways in which it can be prepared. I highly encourage anyone interested in teas to slow down and enjoy the moment, rather than drinking it strictly for the energy spike.
One thing of note - I have decided to NOT try to do an entire cookbook cook thru in a single year, as I had previously discussed. I may still try to do it without a timeline, but I have just been too busy to shop and cook new meals, often reverting to memorized tried and true favorites.
While I’m not where I want or hoped to be at this point, I am pleased with the progress I’ve made. Spring is fully upon us, and the weather is turning beautiful. I love watching the world come alive with new growth, birds returning and nesting, and the possibilities that await.
“My only goal from here forward is to create a future I won’t ever have to recover from. My only goal now is to just live.” - R. Vigil
“You change for two reasons: either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.” Kate McGahan
“‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without words -
And never stops - at all.” -Emily Dickinson
I hope the world is treating you well. Remember to always Spin the Compass and enjoy every moment.
I leave you with a quote from the William-Hannah daily posts:
Back in my 20’s I was fearless - I was going to achieve great things, and I was going to achieve them MY way. But, as the years progressed enthusiasm gave way to cynicism, seeking change gave way to protecting the status quo, and fearlessness lost its ‘lessness’ and became plain old fear.
But we don’t have to stay that way. We can shed the layers of fear and cynicism that have built up and rediscover that fearless enthusiastic self by actively seeking growth, and by making a decision to change (and find a compelling reason to do so).
Growth only stops when we stop trying to grow, and change only stops when we stop trying to change….
