Life. It goes on.
“Life. It goes on.” Robert Frost
I can’t speak for everyone, but I am glad this year is coming to an end. As much as 2019 was an up and down year for me, 2020 definitely took the “hold my beer” challenge seriously, especially the last six months.
Here is a brief recap of my year, in no particular order, with a few of my favorite quotes or song lyrics tucked in for good measure.
“Whatever your goals, the quality of the journey has to become more important than those fleeting moments when you actually arrive at your destination. Most of your life is the journey. Most of your life is the process of solving problems. It is not, and will never be, a condition of basking in the absence of all problems. There will always be something to do, so the frame of mind in which do it determines the quality of your life.” Sam Harris
The finding of a new normal, with revised dreams found and shared. Or so I thought…
The shutdown of the entire world, and the uncountable ways life will forever be different.
A family health scare, with many sleepless nights of worry, until I was kicked out of the family.
“Oh, if I could learn to love the divide
That separates star from star,
I'd climb a mountain just to speak the words we are,
To leave a flower at your door…” *
The eruption of anger, greed, violence, and unlawfulness, all in the name of “peaceful protest”.
The beginning of the end of a nation, as facts are tossed to the side and emotion rules the land.
The end of dreams, the loss of hope, and the realization of how insignificant one truly is to others.
“It is a horrible thing to lose a wife. They say it’s like losing part of yourself. But it’s worse than that. When they are gone, we are left with who we are after we were with them. And sometimes we don’t recognize that person.” The Cold Dish by Craig Johnson.
Watching with horror and disappointment as people show their true colors.
The building of walls, the hardening of shells, the shrinking of circles. Trust no one. Always carry a gun.
Realizing forever doesn’t mean always, and nobody speaks from the heart or tells the truth anymore. It’s truly eye-opening how easily and quickly you can be replaced.
Recognizing I am not who I want to be, but neither are you. Together or alone, I know I will change to make a better me.
The creation of new circles, and the recognition that neighborhood birds have it real good.
Coffee, tea, beer, whiskey, vodka and cigars. In varying quantities, but easily in excess.
“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” Ernest Hemingway
The discovery that a beard and pair of sunglasses can hide 99% of all emotions.
The ever present search for the next adventure.
The first day of class, and the hope that always comes with it.
The surgeon’s knife, and choosing a lonely recovery over false affections.
The solo return to the woods, along a great trail, to get lost and found at the same time.
“The wilderness is a place of rest… not in the sense of being motionless, for the lure, after all, is to move, to round the next bend. The rest comes in the isolation from distractions, in the slowing of the daily centrifugal forces that keep us off balance.” David Douglas
Sleepless nights purposely staring at the moon, thinking about all it used to represent.
The rediscovering of old hobbies, the clearinghouse of extinct hobbies, and the finding of new hobbies.
Books, books, and more books.
“…Oh, what a heavy load
I’d carry all my thoughts straight right to your front door
Then I'd be more than just the words in your top drawer.
Know that someday we'll be more…” *
Traveling far and wide, collecting memories, miles, and passport stamps, even if self-quarantine is the penalty. Working from home is good.
Finding the end of the internet, and restarting at the beginning.
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” Eckhart Tolle
Realizing that sometimes songs explain life better than anything else.
Finding a new comfort zone. Learning to let go of what is lost, and focus on what lies ahead.
Finding a new base camp, for a new perspective, new memories, new traditions, and a new life.
“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.” Ralph Marston
Recognizing I am my own worst enemy, and also my biggest fan. Breaking the 10:1 rule is harder than it sounds.
Realizing most of my dreams now will never come true. Learning to be ok with that as I develop new dreams.
Watching as people celebrate their own hatred.
Acknowledging that true friends are rare, and that I would rather be alone for the right reasons than surrounded by people for the wrong reasons.
“All situations teach you, and often it’s the tough ones that teach you best.” Pema Chodron
I hate to say that I hope 2021 is a better year, for fear of what will mutate from the ashes of 2020, but it really couldn’t be a whole lot worse. I feel like I spent most of 2020 sitting on my balcony, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. But the year wasn’t all bad, either. 2020 was a year of tearing down, re-evaluating, and rebuilding, in more than one arena. It was rarely easy, often painful, and as I said before, I am glad it is coming to a close. Where 2021 will take me, only time will tell.
“…Miles and Miles away isn't so far
When you look up in the night and see the same, same stars
So I'll lay my head to sleep and meet you in my heart
And we'll close our eyes and dream of the same, same stars…” *
“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get the chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” Dr. Seuss
* Lyric excerpts from “Same Same Stars” by Sleepy Man Banjo Boys
