EOY2022
Where has 2022 gone?! I can’t believe the year is almost over, but sure enough, the days have gotten short, the annoying holiday music is still playing, and people are already making plans for 2023.
Honestly… I’m glad. I don’t want to wish away time, but I won’t lie, 2022 was a tough year for me. Emotionally. Physically. Financially. You name the topic, and it was probably part of it. And sure, most would view it as a “building year” or “growing pains”, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” - Robert Brault
“You are not lazy, unmotivated or stuck. After years of living your life in survival mode, you are exhausted. There is a difference.” –Nakeia Homer
“If you ever wonder why I’m treating you differently, take a step back and look at how you treat me. That will tell you all you need to know.” –Unknown
The year started nice and quiet, which should have been a hint at the chaos that was to follow. I won’t go into all the fun details, but let’s just say that buying a house has been an adventure, and even a year into it, that adventure keeps throwing punches. With some unexpected expenses popping up, along with some longer-term adjustments that needed to be made, it’s been all I could do to stay ahead of it all this year. I feel I have, but just barely.
This year, I have also made some changes in my career, and while I considered them minor, they had a larger impact on my day to day life than I had expected. I travel more, am home a lot less, and am always exhausted. And there’s more change coming in that arena, hopefully next year…
“If we always do what we’ve always done, we will always be who we’ve always been.” - Anonymous
“If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author, and every day you have the opportunity to write a new page.” - Mark Houlahan
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
But I also focused on my mental health – my habits, my thought patterns, and my inner running narratives – a lot more this year than I have in the past, and I am certainly feeling that intense focus acutely. Change never comes easy for me, and while I am always overly critical of myself, being critical with an eye to what needs to change has caused my head to go places I haven’t wanted to go in a long time. I know I have emotional trauma from my past, and like most, I tend to carry that with me instead of unloading it and dealing with it straight-forward. I am trying to do just that, and hope that I am making frequent small changes to get me back to the person I want to be, the person I once was.
Through this process, I have also started to examine other aspects of my life and lifestyle, and identifying certain things I want to look at more closely has been a little invigorating and a lot terrifying. I want to make some major changes in my career path, in my general living situation, in my overall health and fitness levels, and in my personality. To say 2023 is going to be a rebuilding year would be like calling a tsunami a splash in a pool. And honestly, I have a feeling there will be a lot of tearing down before the rebuilding starts to appear. I’ve already cut out a lot of the negativity or inconsistency from my life, some of whom I once considered close companions. Funny how taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture shows how manipulative or one-sided some relationships can grow to be. While difficult to sever the connections, I must admit that the level of drama in my life has already been noticeably less.
“Taking time to do nothing often brings everything into perspective.” - Doe Zantamata
“I can’t control your behavior; nor do I want that burden… but I will not apologize for refusing to be disrespected, to be lied to, or to be mistreated. I have standards; step up or step out.” –Steve Maraboli
“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent, when they are not.” –Thich Nhat Hanh
To touch base on a couple topics of the past:
The tractor project is off. He got a girlfriend and lost interest. That’s not to say I don’t have my eye out for a nice red tractor for personal use, but it’s been downgraded to a casual observation instead of an active project.
The cookbook project never started. Within a week of the new year, my schedule changed to the point where I had little to no time for the planning, shopping, and cooking required to get through the book. I have made a few of the recipes throughout the year, when I had a rare day off, but the overall project was sidelined.
A Look Back at 2022
In 2022, I kept a running list of events or happenings that either effected my life or were otherwise newsworthy. Here is that list.
Betty white died at the very end of 2021, close enough to count.
January
Sidney Poitier died
Bob Saget died
Meatloaf died
Louie Anderson died
Thich Nhat Hanh died
3 Baltimore firefighters died in the Line of Duty
February
Entire Baltimore FD out of service for first time in 225-yr history, for funerals
My boss retired
2 Frederick PD officers shot
A friend moved to Myrtle Beach
Russia invaded Ukraine
March
First pen show of the year for me
A friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl
April
An old friend had twins
First out of town pen show for me in five years
May
Had to suspend a friend from my bike club, ultimately disintegrating our relationship
10 killed and 3 injured in white supremacist mass shooting in Buffalo, NY
My sister’s friend passed away
A painful anniversary
Fishing with my dad for the first time in years
14 killed in mass shooting at Texas elementary school
Barbeque Bootcamp – what a great experience
June
A friend’s mom hospitalized for spinal meningitis
3 dead and 2 injured in shooting in Smithsburg, MD
The last time I saw a mentor and friend, without even knowing it was the last time
My boss was hospitalized for cellulitis
My “little brother’s” wedding
Supreme Court overturns Roe vs Wade
Another barbeque bootcamp, not as good as the first, but still fun
50 immigrants dead inside abandoned tractor trailer in Texas
Fentanyl pill dealers arrested on a Friday, released by Tuesday by probationary committee, showcasing how our system is broken
“In God’s wildness lies the hope of the world: the great, unrequited, unredeemed wilderness. The galling harness of civilization falls off, and the wounds heal ‘ere we are aware.” –John Muir
“It’s a hell of a thing, the way someone comes and fills what you hadn’t known was empty. It’s a hell of a thing, the way they leave, and now you can’t forget it.” –Kristina Mahr
“But it’s all still there in my heart and soul. The walk, the hills, the sky, the solitary pain and pleasure – they will grow larger, sweeter, lovelier in the days to come, like a treasure.” –Edward Abbey
“It is one thing to open your eyes and admit that a change needs to be made. It’s a whole other to do the work required to achieve that change.” –Stacie Martin
“It’s sad to say and hear but some of us are meant to be alone. It is the truth. For some reason, what we desire, we never attain it, and live carrying around our unfulfilled desires in our hearts.” –Unknown
July
6 dead and 24 injured in shooting at Highland Park, IL parade
Shinzo Abe (former Japanese prime minister) assassinated
A bike trip to the lake
An explosion at Hoover Dam
A mentor and friend passed away from pancreatic cancer
August
Another pen show
Olivia Newton-John died
Two friends moved to Georgia
Two friends got married
Mikhail Gorbachev died
September
A friend was injured at work, causing severe trauma
Queen Elizabeth II died
Nick Holonyak, inventor of the Light-Emitting Diode (LED) died
October
Loretta Lynn died
Angela Lansbury died
Robbie “Hagrid” Coltrane died
November
Hunting with my dad for the first time in a decade
4 university of Idaho students found dead in house
5 dead and 25 injured at shooting at LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs
Walmart manager in Virginia shoots 6 coworkers in store
Frederick shooting of man threatening officers with a knife
Christina McVie (Fleeteood Mac) died
December
Major blizzard cold snap effected most of east coast
“Dead people receive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” –Anne Frank
“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. –Henry David Thoreau
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.” –Edward Everett Halle
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” –Marcel Proust
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.” –T.S. Eliot
I am not certain what 2023 will bring, but I know that it will bring change. For better or worse. I plan to continue focusing and working on myself, because all I am certain of right now is that I am not where I want to be, and more importantly, I am not WHO I want to be. Maybe in 2023, I will get that much closer.
“It takes courage and determination to take the path that no-one else seems to be taking, but then again, maybe we don’t want what everyone else is rushing to get….” - David Round
“The path of LEAST resistance will often take you farther from your destination than the seemingly more difficult one, but an easy trek in the wrong direction is ultimately far more exhausting and devastating than an uphill climb toward euphoria.” - Timber Hawkeye in Buddhist Boot Camp
“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy until you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.” - Ralph Marsten
I hope 2022 was kind to you, and that 2023 brings you everything that you want and deserve. And no matter what, remember to always Spin the Compass.
